Nothing Left
by Crawler
Summary: Remus is mourning the death of someone close when he's visited by someone he doesn't want to see. RemusSirius OotP spoilers! Songfic


Spoilers for Book 5.  Do not read unless you want to know who died.

I don't own them; I'll return them to Rowling nice and clean when I'm done.

I like Tonks.  She'll be a fun character to write into more stories!

Right.  This takes place during Book 5, after the encounter with Voldemort and before Harry leaves Hogwarts for the summer.  Remus trying to deal with the death of his lover.  R/S

Thoughts are in _italics_ and so are _emphasized words_.  I'm sure you can tell the difference.  Song lyrics are in **_bold italics_**.  They don't belong to me either; they're from Sound the Bugle, from the Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack.  _Very_ nice song.  You should listen to it.

**_Nothing Left_**

            _"There's nothing you can do, Harry . . . nothing . . . . He's gone."_  Remus bit back a sob and buried his face in Sirius' pillow again.  _"He can't come back, Harry.  He can't come back, because he's d-"_ Oh, how he hated those words, hated saying them.  Harry had hated them too, had struggled to pull away, had nearly killed himself trying to "rescue" Sirius.  "What if it was possible?" he asked the damp pillow.  "What if Harry could have saved him, could have just reached into the arch and pulled him out?  Sirius would have been laughing; he would have been ready to join back in the fight . . ."            

**_Sound the bugle now – play it just for me_**

**_As the seasons change – remember how I used to be_**

**_Now I can't go on – I can't even start_**

**_I've got nothing left – just an empty heart_**

            "Remus?"  Tonks knocked nervously on the door.  "Remus?  I brought you some food.  Are you doing something stupid in there?"

            There was no answer.  Tonks sighed and set the food down outside the door.  "I'm leaving your dinner in the hall, Remus, just this time.  If it's not touched when I return in an hour, I'm coming in there to force-feed you, understood?"  She paused for a moment, rubbing her elbow.  "Remus, I know you miss Sirius, but you can't do this.  We can't afford to lose another Order member.  Not one as talented as you."  She paused again, before sighing.  "I'll go now, Remus, but remember, one hour."

            Inside the room, Remus buried his face in the pillow again.  Tonks didn't understand.  She couldn't.  She just didn't know.

**_I'm a soldier – wounded so I must give up the fight_**

**_There's nothing more for me – lead me away. . ._**

**_Or leave me lying here_**

            An hour later, Tonks was back, picking up the untouched food tray and knocking on the door again.  "Remus?  I'm coming in now."  When she tried the door, she found it locked.  Expecting that, she pulled out her wand.  "_Alohamora_!"  She tried the door again, it still didn't open.  With a sigh, she set the tray down and pointed her wand at the lock.  "_Abscindo_!"  The door flew open.  Tonks put her wand away and picked up the tray, kicking the door closed behind her.  Remus was curled up in the bed.  He hadn't even stirred when she flung the door open.  "How on earth do you stand this darkness?"  Tonks set the tray down next to Remus and crossed the room, about to fling the curtains open.

            "Leave them," Remus ordered, his voice even hoarser now.

            Tonks lowered her hands and came back to sit next to Remus.  "Well then, eat."  She speared a piece of chicken on the fork and held it to Remus' lips.  "Open up!"

            Remus glared at her and turned away.

**_Sound the bugle now – tell them I don't care_**

**_There's not a road I know – that leads to anywhere_**

**_Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark_**

**_Lay right down – decide not to go on_**

            Tonks set the fork down and put the tray on the floor.  "You need to snap out of this funk, Remus.  Sirius is dead.  We miss him, all of us.  We can't afford to lose another order member, especially not one as talented as you.  Come back to us, Remus.  We need you."  Remus didn't answer.  "Harry needs you," she tried, quieter.  Remus pulled the covers up closer.  At least he gave some reaction.  "Remus, you're the last of the Marauders, aren't you?  I've heard all about your school group from Sirius.  James was the leader, followed by Sirius, then you and Peter.  Peter betrayed you all, he's out.  James and Sirius are dead, they're out.  That leaves you.  You're the last one who could serve as any sort of true family for Harry, even better than the Weasleys.  You can tell him about his parents.  They can't.  You can feel pride in his accomplishments.  They have to split their attention between so many, adding another would only strain things worse.  You can look out for him without being overly protective.  You know what it's like to love James and Lily and Sirius.  He needs that.  He needs someone to understand that.  He needs someone who feels the loss as strongly as he does."

**_Then from on high – somewhere in the distance_**

**_There's a voice that calls – remember who you are_**

**_If you lose yourself – your courage soon will follow_**

            "You don't understand, Tonks."  Remus closed his eyes, not wanting to talk about Sirius, but knowing that Tonks wouldn't leave him alone until he tried.  "I'm a werewolf."

            "I wouldn't care if you were a troll!  You're on our side, you're an amazingly talented wizard, you have ties to creatures who wouldn't _dream_ of helping us otherwise-"

            "No, Tonks, you don't understand."  Remus glanced at her out of the corner of one amber eye.  "Werewolves mate for life.  Without Sirius, I'm as good as dead."

            "Oh."  Tonks sounded reprimanded at that.  "Sirius was your lover.  I forgot . . ."

            "Go away, Tonks.  Leave me alone."  Remus curled away from her.

            "No."  Tonks leaned forward and placed her hand gently on Remus' shoulder.  He tensed up under her gentle touch.  "I won't.  The last thing you need right now is to be alone."  Remus didn't answer, but he didn't push her away.  "You survived without Sirius once before, you can do it again."

            "Sirius wasn't _dead_ before," Remus spat.  "He was imprisoned, yes, but he was alive, and I knew that if I absolutely needed him, I would be permitted to visit.  He's gone now, Tonks, I don't even have a grave to visit."

            "He may be gone, but I can guarantee you, if he saw you now, he'd be absolutely furious!  Remus, he never knew you as a quitter!  You always fought for everything; you had to because of the wolf!  Now, just because he can't be there at your side to pick you up, you're going to give up?  Remus, if you died, he'd kill you!  You know that!  Sirius would want you to pick yourself up, to go and stand by Harry's side where he can't, and to help _him_ through this.  He's depending on _you_ now, Remus, you can't just quit!  That would be an insult to him, to James, to Lily, to everyone who ever fought for what they believed in!  If you died now, just because Sirius died, you'd be no better than Peter!  You'd surrender, you'd allow the enemy to gain more power, just because it was the easy way out!  Do you really want that, Remus?  Do you want to become a miserable rat?  Is that how you want Harry to remember you?"

            "Tonks?"

            "Yes?"

            "Go away."

            Tonks left, feeling beaten.  Remus was going to die, nothing she said would stop that.  She couldn't really blame him, it _was_ the wolf who was killing him, after all.  It's not like he could really change what he was.

            Remus slowly stepped out of the bed and crossed to the curtains, pulling them open and letting the setting sun filter in.  He stood at the window for a long time, watching as the stars came out and picking out Sirius, the Dog Star.  _I love you_.

            Several days later, Moody was stomping around the kitchen.  "Well, we're going to need volunteers.  People who won't be "afraid" of showing themselves to those filthy muggles he lives with.  I'm going, who else is with me?"

            "I'll go," Arthur Weasley said.  "I have to go pick up Ron and Ginny, so I'll be there anyway."

            "And us," Fred and George said.  "We might as well go.  Mum's coming too, there's no way you'll be able to stop her."

            "Me too!" Tonks said.  "I want to see what those muggles think of _me_!"

            "I'll be there too," a soft voice called from the door.  "For Harry."

            They all turned to see Remus standing in the doorway, looking much paler and greyer then usual.  Moody grinned lopsidedly at him.  "Good to see you back on your feet, Lupin.  We'll need you in the days to come.  Now let's go!"

            As they filtered out the door, Remus caught Tonks' sleeve.  "Thank you," he whispered.  "I needed to hear that."

            "No problem," Tonks answered.  "Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

            Remus smiled.

**_So be strong tonight – remember who you are_**

**_Yeah you're a soldier now – fighting in a battle_**

**_To be free once more – yeah that's worth fighting for_**

~Crawler


End file.
